Europe 2010

Content? It’s not like I have anything REAL to say. Compared to my friend, Ian, whose second child was due any second ago, winning a button contest pales in comparison, but that’s all I have to announce, so a-here goes!

I won an AWESOME charity-driven, fan-organized (Sian mostly) badge design contest through Pearl Jam’s 10 Club forums. 400 of these fuggers are going to be floating around Europe in June/July, being handed out (depending on what venue you atttend) by Sian-of-the-Dead some other lucky individuals and DimitrisPearlJam! Go beg them for one, then take a picture of yerself wearing it, then send the picture to me by mail, accompanied by a hand-written missive extolling the awesomeness of the button and how it will change your life forever… Did this sound like a request? Go now, and I will await to bask in the glow of worldly admiration.

Jelouse? I figgered.

Go to my Flickr page to see the damn thing already! I’m too lazy to put it on here directly.

Classy!

Can you hear me now?

Eventually as promised. Unmasked Cobra Commander. I thought technology was supposed to make things like phones SMALLER? What’s with the 80’s brick? I Photoshopped the hole in his forehead away. It was so distracting. Please also note the eerie similarities between Cobra Commander and Ru’afo, primary bad-guy in 1998’s Star Trek: Worf’s Erection Insurrection (“Definitely feeling aggressive tendencies, sir!”). Both villains looks a little melt-y if you compare looks, but that’s obviously where the similarities end. CC’s way more fashionable for the not too distant future, while Ru’afo is a little behind the 24th Century times… dirty backwater refugee-style villains… at least he’s addicted to plastic surgery, so the Hollywood rich can relate. guh. 

Classy!

 

Douchebags on Facebook and whiskers on kittens

These are a few of my favorite things. Sing along everyone…This is an unsolicited message I received on Facebook. At first I was a bit scared that this guy tracked me down. Then it dawned on me that he’s threatening me in an imaginary world. So I thought I would have some fun. An hour after my last message, his profile had disappeared from the site entirely, hence the silhouette icon instead of the douchey, British bad-boy-in-swim-trunks icon he originally had. I wish he would have stuck around, I thought of so many other great things to say…

Hitlist

Between You and Steven Mills

Steven Mills

August 7 at 9:25am

you had me hitlisted for robbing you bad move Andrew will kill you every day now for 30 days and rob you again if i can every time I can – robbing is an accepted gaming move but hitlisting is a cowards way out if you hadnt had me hitlisted would not have bothered you again but now I will and so will everyone else you had hitlisted you will learn the HARD way

Andrew Morton

August 7 at 10:58am

Gay.

Andrew Morton

August 7 at 11:00am

I just added you to the hitlist again, motherfucker.

Andrew Morton

August 7 at 11:00am

I will add you to the hitlist every time you visit the hospital. Some random fuck is going to fuck you up.

Andrew Morton

August 7 at 11:01am

Don’t worry. I’ll let you know everytime I do it, so you’ll be prepared. You sound like a whiner.

Steven Mills

August 7 at 12:49pm

I dont ever put people on hitlist ever!! thats a cowards way take your punishment like a man they would leave you alone if you didnt put them on hitlist ,your the whiner you tosspot

Andrew Morton

August 7 at 12:58pm

Heh. Tosspot.

I just did it again.

What you think as an “accepted gaming move” obviously isn’t what the game-makers think is acceptable. . . I don’t think they’d have the button if you weren’t supposed to push it.

Maybe you need to take a time-out. It is, after all, just a free game on a free website. Some people take things way too seriously. But, if you want to email every person who puts you on a hitlist for robbing them, I’m sure one day, you’ll save the world.

Anyway, I’ve given you way more attention than you deserve regarding this topic, but if you want to talk about something other than Mafia Wars, feel free to message me.

Yours sincerely,

Andrew

Darryl and Mandy are gay for Gino

(Click for full effect.)

It might seem like a lot for work for a 10 second joke, but it’s worth it. Who knows. Maybe they’ll actually get them made. VECTOR TEE SHIRT TEMPLATE BY HTTP://MADNESSISM.DEVIANTART.COM Originally posted for the laughing and humour of http://www.facebook.com/darryllivingstone?ref=nf

The new face of evil…

Chrome face? No. Blue hood? Nope. A really great spin on an evil cartoon character? You bet! EDIT: I have since gotten brave, and since I found out The Boy already owns this version of CC, I took the mask off. Did you ever own an original Serpentor, and remove his helmet? The globulous, chinless face staring at you was an amazing let down. For this figure, however, the scarred, perfectly painted sculpt is amazing! I’m REALLY impressed at the detail. It looks like the movie character! Complete with Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s puppy dawg eyes. 10 stars out of a possible 7 pickles on the Segal scale. Pictures will probably follow this weekend. Classy!

This is the 3 3/4″ movie version of Cobra Commander, set to premiere in two days’ time in G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra. In honor of the best-worst movie to be released this year, I’m giving away the action figure pictured above to the person who leaves (in my opinion) the best G.I. Joe related story from his or her childhood. I think this is a second generation version of the toy because the first time I saw it, there were science-style tubes running from the hex-holes in his chest to the ones in the back of his head. I’m assuming they either sucked or were a choking hazard because NO MORE. It’s too bad, I like science-style tubes on toys. It’s those details that really make an evil-looking toy. But speaking of details… check out the wing-tips! You can tell a villain is after world-domination if they dress like a gentleman. THE FINE PRINT: Leave your story as a comment on the blog and I’ll judge them at my leisure. The winner’s entry will be posted in all sorts of different colours for all to read and the winner will be contacted for their mailing address at that point. You have until Midnight on Thursday, August 6, 2009 to submit as after that time I’ll be at the theatre watching Snake Eyes flip-flop all over the screen and Dennis Quaid reprise his role from In Good Company as General Hawk. And considering no-one actually reads this, I’ll probably mail the toy to my nephew as originally planned.

Fears abated!

Boy HOWDY does this look great! And a great way to promote music media promoters!

Pearl Jam – The Fixer

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Epic Packaging Fwainl?

I can’t decide if this is the best or worst packaging I’ve ever found (purchased at crappy flea market in Winnipeg for $1.50)…Soon to be seen on Failblog if I’m as lucky as this kid.

Internet Presents

1,000,000 hits! Wow, thanks so much. I never thought that in all the time I’ve been doing this, I would ever reach so many people. It’s as if you’re running all the red lights on the internet to get to me. I guess this is a great time for me to announce… you guessed it! Nation-wide tour! I’ll be seen at the Langley Veterinary Clinic on Friday, July 17 from 9:30-10:30 PM for some paper signing, mostly credit card receipts, but that doesn’t mean I won’t gladly sign copies of Oprah’s Book Club favourite Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!, or possibly a few bewbs, if you’re a real big fan. Then on Saturday, July 18, I have 3 stops, one at Vel and Brian’s where I’ll be catering a delicious lunch and holding a very intimate Q&A session with a few lucky fans. RSVP now, space is limited! The second show Saturday will be at the very exclusive club, ABB, performing my one-man show

Going Through Airport Security With a Passport Photo That Makes Me Look Like a Terrorist. Be ready to laugh, cry and cringe. Get there 2 hours ahead of time, the line up will be around the block! After a whirl-wind flight into the centre of this great nation, my final show on Saturday will be the follow-up smash-hit to Going Through Airport Security With a Passport Photo That Makes Me Look Like a Terrorist, Waddling out of the Airport with the Memory of Latex Gloves on my Mind, performed in the newly-renovated, 5-Star YWG. It will blow your mind.

Well, thanks again, internetonians, you make all this worth while. Stay tuned for more tour dates, and with any luck, I may be coming to your neighborhood soon…

LDM

The Gentlemen’s Club

I forgot I had these. I made them for a friend/ co-worker while she was away on vacation, and photobombed her desktop. Well, joke’s on me. She kept them up until “management” asked her to take them down. boooo-urns. Now you, too, can cause cubicle panic in the extreeeme with the full-resolution desktop jpegs. Use them wisely. Some of these guys are dangerous.